When I see grief, I see a sphere of insanity. The pull of its gravity is high to engage every part of who we are, both physically and mentally. It becomes a monster on a mission of destruction. Unexpected chaos reveals itself and then we have something uncomfortable that has to be confronted, repaired, and restored.
Grief plays a different role in each of us and manifests depending on our character, and ability at that time to maneuver its often high wielding sword. There is trauma that surrounds the things we face, and allowing understanding of the part it’s playing will be significant in deciding how we come up for air and what we look like on the other side.
There is an ebb and flow, as most of us don’t live permanently in a state of despair. Getting through the low points is the common goal and one we don’t face alone. It is a natural part of living to face a broken heart, death, disappointment, and trauma. As much as we have control over our actions we don’t always have control over the outcome and we have no control over others that preside in our space, such as family and friends.
Here are some time-tested tools that can help you get to the other side of grief with quicker motions and less lasting effects:
Say Hello to grief when it arrives. I’m not asking you to become best friends or complacent inside its grip, I’m telling you to acknowledge its existence. Hello pain, I feel you. I hear you. I’m not ignoring you. All things that rise to the surface are things that need your attention. They should never be ignored or put aside. The sooner it is acknowledged, the sooner you will start the healing process.
Write out your pain. With zero consideration for others, write your pain. Write all the hurt, anger, and even completely inappropriate and insane feelings that are clogging up your system. Write your pain every day until you feel it has been expelled. You will see your words becoming softer as you continue each day letting go what hurts. When it feels appropriate and you’ve come to a new space, take everything you have written and burn it. Let it go and be done with it.
Remind yourself of your worth. This is a highly important and effective piece. Especially when we are dealing with feelings of rejection, we need to take a moment from those feelings to remember who we are. It is far too easy to get lost in the whirlwind of hurt and lose who we are in the process.
Remove all expectations on how or when you should feel differently. If it has been six months and you still break down in tears, don’t shame yourself for that process. We all flush things differently from our system and there is no requirement as to the time frame it should take YOU to move forward. Don’t allow others or yourself to place rules or expectations on what it should all look or feel like. Only you can make that determination. Honor where you are during each phase of healing.
Time is the true healer of most things. Things just hurt less after we have been given the proper opportunity to express and handle what needs to be dealt with. Give yourself the proper time and affection to get through this season. It is only a season. The pain will end.
Our hurt will find a way out. We will speak it, we will weep, we will fall apart, and we will lose our minds. We then love ourselves through the process, making only bruises and far less scars.
Say AND write this seven times to initiate the conversation between yourself and the Universe.
Affirmation in Seven: My grief is my healing, and I am healing. All things are unfolding as they are meant to.
I am healing. I am healing. I am grateful for my healing.
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