As a writer and poet, I can often get wound deeply inside my own pain. It is a place of word inspiration but also a venue for understanding and healing. There have been times, although short lived, where I thrived from my chaotic heart. It was a grounding place for my creativity. Because I have been in that place, I understand when people live in this state. Their reasoning may be different than mine, but I can feel for them, for whatever their purpose is in either creating or choosing to stay inside a state of suffer.
Understanding is not justification and there is no condoning the choice to remain in pain or create it in your own life. Life is not meant to hold a space of negativity as a permanent state. Holding a state of negativity attracts more chaos and then you become victim to perpetual negative loops that grow increasingly difficult to unwind. Being honest with our phases of emotion can help us to call bullshit on our own actions when necessary. I was able to do this for myself as I grew in my introspection and implemented acts of self-love into my every day.
Understanding the magic of living inside gratitude for me was much more powerful and fulfilling than living inside a place of poetic suffer.
So what do we do when there are people in our life that are always in the state of suffer? That constantly have some pile of shit they are shoveling? We all know or have known someone like this. It can be frustrating to maintain relationships with these individuals without getting dragged into their drama.
Know the difference between drama and grief. Do not judge someone if they are in the stages of *grief, no matter your expected timeline on how that should go. Creating drama, manipulating grief, or causing unjust chaos is very different than someone acting out on the back-end of trauma. Know who and what you are dealing with and don’t offer judgment as a reaction.
Know when depression is involved. Depression is a mental illness that can manifest in the form of chaos and manic behavior. Although this can be difficult to manage on your side, it is much more difficult for the person experiencing depression. Refrain from judgment and offering advice. Be there for them, to the extent you can emotionally manage, and however the other person needs you to be. Only you can decide what works best for you and your relationships, but always come from a space of genuine love and respect.
Know who you are dealing with. Tough love, like calling bullshit on someone, can be a jolting and a necessary interaction. This is not recommended for someone you don’t know completely, deeply, and fully. It can be effective if you have a long-term relationship with someone, or if it’s family, and you know they are purposefully creating suffer in their lives in the hopes of gaining attention or some other personal purpose. In these cases, it is okay to set boundaries for yourself, no matter the relationship, so you don’t get dragged down into a low state that can be difficult to recover from. This is not an opportunity to create your own drama or ruin relationships. Boundaries are for your protection and a great form of self-care. Set them and walk away. Don’t enable and don’t participate.
Know your place. Don’t interject where you should not. Offering what is not accepted is different than just allowing your love and energy to flow in their direction. **Hold Space and offer love and gratitude to be taken when it’s needed. Knowing your place also means to know you, where you fit, and need to fit. Setting a course that serves you and your purpose should be a foundation for all relationships. Creating a safe boundary is not being selfish, it is promoting the life you need to maintain a healthy existence. This in turn will give you the strength to offer healing to others when needed.
It is okay to love others from a distance. Giving space where space is needed can be a heartbreaking task, but in the end, other’s suffer does not have to become our own.
*Read more about grief and how to journey through it in our post: Hello Grief
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